Another day

Here I am, another beautiful day. The sun isn’t hiding behind the clouds, she is out. Free from cover and shining bright for everybody to see. The communal areas have burst into life. People out walking their dogs, friends hanging out in the park, chatting and catching a long lost tan. Convertibles with their roofs down, posers without their shirts on. By now you probably get the point of what is occurring around me as I type this post. Another post, another day.
When I started this blog it was an experiment, as I’ve mentioned before. It was a new place to let out my thoughts, express my views, or, break down my emotions to an understandable and manageable level. Now I’ve started it, I can’t get enough of it. The more I write posts to clear my mind of thoughts, the more inspiration and ideas I get. The more I write, the more I want to write (if that makes sense). This leads me to think that I’m suffering the same symptoms as when I write music. I originally started going doing it to clear my mind of whatever view or emotion was blocking it. This being said though, they lead to more thoughts and eventually, a mild level of insanity. Well, it feels that way sometimes.

Whilst I’m sitting on this park bench, MacBook on my lap, it’s obvious what is happening here. I’m inspiring myself, I’m encouraging myself to be productive. At the same time, I’m building up a subconscious passion for blogging. I never understood the craze until I started reading lots of blogs, and writing my own. Now. I. Get. It.
A great positive out of all of this is actually reading back through my older posts. Being able to try and comprehend my thought process at that specific time. This activity is actually something I find quite interesting. I’m disagreeing with myself. Finding new ways to look at problems I had only a week ago. That’s unusual. Well it’s unusual and bizarre to me, personally. Back in the 90s, people had diaries to write in. Then years later they could read through them and kind of reminisce. Now people don’t tend to have diaries. Social media seems to hold every story the majority of people have gone through. Summing up their day in either a “status” or some photos. This is my diary, that’s what I’m going to call it..

Saying that, I’m not going to write posts about my daily events. Nobody wants to read that, here’s is an example of what you’d get:

“Today I woke up, maybe around 9am. I can’t remember fully as I’m slightly disillusioned when first waking up. Like all other days, my first activity was brushing my teeth. What a lovely feeling, fresh breathe…”

A post like that would suck. I write on here to try and bring many different thought patterns together. I’m learning about myself, and that was the main reason I decided to adapt and dive into this blogging hobby without fully thinking it through.
Like I said though, another day. Another day or writing, another day of trying to be productive but realising that I’m worse off now than I was before university back in 2011. Four years have gone by, I feel like I’ve gone downhill, but actually I haven’t. I’ve learnt a lot, I’ve matured. I am what I am, that will continue to grow and develop into the future…

A new chapter..

Tomorrow is my birthday. The fourth of June. One more year older.

I can look at this celebration in numerous ways. One being that i’m thankful to be alive, I’m glad to be healthy. Too many people on this overly glorified planet aren’t, it angers and distresses me greatly that the tiny percentage of billionaires can’t suck up their pride and help others (there is a lot more to this opinion and view than I want to get into during this post). Another way could be to wish I’d spent the last few years more productively as they have whizzed by quicker than imageinable. To reflect on this, I could have made a list of what I wanted to accomplish in the past year, it wouldn’t have happened. I get new ideas and pathways all the time, lately I just lost my focus and pathway to success.

No matter what way I look at tomorrow, no matter how I plan to celebrate it or ignore the occasion, its still going to happen. Another date will be crossed off the calendar. Another year would have come and gone. I feel like i’m getting old, i’m only going to be 22-years-old. Millions of people around the world would give anything to be 22 again, yet I seem ungrateful about it.

It’s not that i’m sad or ungrateful, I just mentally cannot comprehend where the last 3/4 years of my lifetime have gone. I’ve accomplished some great things, I’ve met some even nicer people yet I feel like I should have done more. But then, age is just a number labelled to somebody, linked to the date they entered this great world. Age isn’t going to stop me doing what I love, what I enjoy and so forth. It shouldn’t stop you either!

A new chapter. A simple turn of a page in a book. Metaphorically, a new part of my life. As you may or may not know from my previous posts, i’ve mentioned a lot of changes in my life since the beginning of this year. I’ve adjusted though. I’ll push forward no matter what and learn from my experiences or mistakes. I lost a family, a wonderful girlfriend, a lot of friends and my motivational drive and passion for what I wanted to do with my life. Lately, things have looked brighter, a lot brighter. I started a new job, it’s local, really enjoyable, the guys their are great. Plus, it’s related to my hobbies. WHATS NOT TO LOVE?!!

My focus into songwriting has grown rapidly again and i’m rolling out new songs constantly, like an inspired, musical genie. My EP release did well, I regret not gigging it like I should have but there is always time. I’ve spent some time away visiting family and friends and so on. I hope i haven’t lost your attention and bored you to sleep. I’m really struggling to get my thought process out in this post. All of the above mentioned things have brightened my mood more than I could have imagined. Coincidentally, they’ve all fallen around my birthday. The perfect metaphorical location for a fairytale ending to a chapter. The beautifully driven and dedicated beginning to a new chapter.

I’ve sorted out my head, had some honest conversations with people I used to be very close to. Ended one chapter. Started a new one. I also reconnected to arguably the closest person I had to me for a few years. Of course I have things I wish i could change, thats impossible now. They’re in the past, I don’t necessarily live with regrets. Frustrations, i think is a better way to put them. That’s  what we’ll call them for argument sakes.

I’m not going to ramble on for much longer as it is almost 11:30pm, 3rd June 2015. Half an hour left of being a 21-year-old. Half an hour left of an exciting age, spiralling uncontrollably towards my 30s at 100MPH. I’m excited about this coming year though. I’m on a mission to better my lifestyle, complete my goals and share it with that one special person…I will have all mentioned. Whatever it all takes.

Here is to another year, it’ll be gone before I truly feel like i’ve got started but i’m going to make my plans. Write down my goals. Win back my drive. Gain inspiration and press forward in this lifetime. Time to get back to it. Work hard. Make money. Travel. Release music. Tour. Kiss the love of my life. Learn. Improve. Grow. Enjoy.

Happy birthday to me for tomorrow, I don’t know how I feel about it being my birthday. The day will be over before I know it though…..

Birthdays

Birthdays are a strange concept to think about. The fact that they’re a yearly celebration from the date you were born is understandable. It’s the bits about how people feel about their birthdays, that’s what makes it unusual..

When I was a child, a birthday was the most exciting time to look forward to (except for Santa or the Tooth Fairy for example). The counting down to the big day, I’M GOING TO BE OLDER!! Getting presents in the morning and then celebrating with some friends and eating cake. What a day to look forward to. Thinking back, I’m not sure if I was so excited about becoming a year older or just receiving presents (possibly, just the cake). Yes that makes me sound spoilt, and I understand there are many people in the world who aren’t privileged enough and that saddens me, but I’m trying to understand my own experience of life here.

The strangest thing about the “BIG DAY” is how people respond to it. When I was younger I was excited, as explained above, it was BRILLIANT! Now I’m getting older all of my excitement happens to have evaporated. It doesn’t seem like that long ago that I was turning 18 years old. Being an English gentleman (you read that right, a gentleman), that’s a big deal, legally I could drink alcohol, or smoke cigarettes, or go into a nightclub. The important word here being ‘legally’. Basically everything that “cool kids” get up to these days, yet it didn’t change anything because I was already doing that stuff. I looked older than my age, fortunately. I was already tattooed by then too, wow that’s weird thinking back about.
Now I have realised that in less than a month I’m going to be turning 22 years old. This upsets me slightly.
No, my 18^th birthday doesn’t feel that long ago, however, since then I’ve been in a wonderful relationship, got a degree, released two EPs (possibly 3, I can’t remember…), played many gigs, met some great people and learnt a lot about myself. This all makes me think. It makes me think that it must have been a long time ago, times has just come and gone too quickly.

Sometimes I think it’s best to take a step back and actually see what you’ve accomplished in a specific period of time. I had a checklist of things I wanted to achieve before I was 21 years old, hardly any of them were ticked. Yet as I mature, I realise that time doesn’t change anything. It was created by mankind, it was mankind that meant an hour had 60 minutes in it. If we changed it to 70 minutes from now on, as weeks go by, that slightest change would bring darkness to day, and light skies to night, how unusual.

Anyways, my point is, when you’re younger you get excited about growing up, birthdays are brilliant.
When you’re my age you’re a little uneasy about seeing how quickly your life is going by, comparing that to your success and getting yourself into a tangled mess.

Adults, the older generation wish that they were younger. What an unusual concept. I’ve met older people in the past who literally do not celebrate their birthdays anymore because they don’t want to come to terms with reality or how old they are. Age is what you feel! Remember?

Enjoy being young, you’re only young once. Enjoy being adventurous, find out what you enjoy or hate the hard way. Don’t become an old man or woman regretting they tried to become successful or something else. Be the old person who can sit there and say, “At least I freakin’ tried my hardest!”.

p.s. Today is an old friend birthday, I’d like to wish her a very Happy Birthday, see me soon? (<< here is a test to see if she actually stalks my blog posts or not)