“You send me pictures before I sleep, and talk dirty to me.
But I’m sick of these love games that I speak of, it’s the real things in life that I miss”
(Copyright 2015 Ryan Anthony)
inspiration
Another day
Here I am, another beautiful day. The sun isn’t hiding behind the clouds, she is out. Free from cover and shining bright for everybody to see. The communal areas have burst into life. People out walking their dogs, friends hanging out in the park, chatting and catching a long lost tan. Convertibles with their roofs down, posers without their shirts on. By now you probably get the point of what is occurring around me as I type this post. Another post, another day.
When I started this blog it was an experiment, as I’ve mentioned before. It was a new place to let out my thoughts, express my views, or, break down my emotions to an understandable and manageable level. Now I’ve started it, I can’t get enough of it. The more I write posts to clear my mind of thoughts, the more inspiration and ideas I get. The more I write, the more I want to write (if that makes sense). This leads me to think that I’m suffering the same symptoms as when I write music. I originally started going doing it to clear my mind of whatever view or emotion was blocking it. This being said though, they lead to more thoughts and eventually, a mild level of insanity. Well, it feels that way sometimes.
Whilst I’m sitting on this park bench, MacBook on my lap, it’s obvious what is happening here. I’m inspiring myself, I’m encouraging myself to be productive. At the same time, I’m building up a subconscious passion for blogging. I never understood the craze until I started reading lots of blogs, and writing my own. Now. I. Get. It.
A great positive out of all of this is actually reading back through my older posts. Being able to try and comprehend my thought process at that specific time. This activity is actually something I find quite interesting. I’m disagreeing with myself. Finding new ways to look at problems I had only a week ago. That’s unusual. Well it’s unusual and bizarre to me, personally. Back in the 90s, people had diaries to write in. Then years later they could read through them and kind of reminisce. Now people don’t tend to have diaries. Social media seems to hold every story the majority of people have gone through. Summing up their day in either a “status” or some photos. This is my diary, that’s what I’m going to call it..
Saying that, I’m not going to write posts about my daily events. Nobody wants to read that, here’s is an example of what you’d get:
“Today I woke up, maybe around 9am. I can’t remember fully as I’m slightly disillusioned when first waking up. Like all other days, my first activity was brushing my teeth. What a lovely feeling, fresh breathe…”
A post like that would suck. I write on here to try and bring many different thought patterns together. I’m learning about myself, and that was the main reason I decided to adapt and dive into this blogging hobby without fully thinking it through.
Like I said though, another day. Another day or writing, another day of trying to be productive but realising that I’m worse off now than I was before university back in 2011. Four years have gone by, I feel like I’ve gone downhill, but actually I haven’t. I’ve learnt a lot, I’ve matured. I am what I am, that will continue to grow and develop into the future…
A new chapter..
Tomorrow is my birthday. The fourth of June. One more year older.
I can look at this celebration in numerous ways. One being that i’m thankful to be alive, I’m glad to be healthy. Too many people on this overly glorified planet aren’t, it angers and distresses me greatly that the tiny percentage of billionaires can’t suck up their pride and help others (there is a lot more to this opinion and view than I want to get into during this post). Another way could be to wish I’d spent the last few years more productively as they have whizzed by quicker than imageinable. To reflect on this, I could have made a list of what I wanted to accomplish in the past year, it wouldn’t have happened. I get new ideas and pathways all the time, lately I just lost my focus and pathway to success.
No matter what way I look at tomorrow, no matter how I plan to celebrate it or ignore the occasion, its still going to happen. Another date will be crossed off the calendar. Another year would have come and gone. I feel like i’m getting old, i’m only going to be 22-years-old. Millions of people around the world would give anything to be 22 again, yet I seem ungrateful about it.
It’s not that i’m sad or ungrateful, I just mentally cannot comprehend where the last 3/4 years of my lifetime have gone. I’ve accomplished some great things, I’ve met some even nicer people yet I feel like I should have done more. But then, age is just a number labelled to somebody, linked to the date they entered this great world. Age isn’t going to stop me doing what I love, what I enjoy and so forth. It shouldn’t stop you either!
A new chapter. A simple turn of a page in a book. Metaphorically, a new part of my life. As you may or may not know from my previous posts, i’ve mentioned a lot of changes in my life since the beginning of this year. I’ve adjusted though. I’ll push forward no matter what and learn from my experiences or mistakes. I lost a family, a wonderful girlfriend, a lot of friends and my motivational drive and passion for what I wanted to do with my life. Lately, things have looked brighter, a lot brighter. I started a new job, it’s local, really enjoyable, the guys their are great. Plus, it’s related to my hobbies. WHATS NOT TO LOVE?!!
My focus into songwriting has grown rapidly again and i’m rolling out new songs constantly, like an inspired, musical genie. My EP release did well, I regret not gigging it like I should have but there is always time. I’ve spent some time away visiting family and friends and so on. I hope i haven’t lost your attention and bored you to sleep. I’m really struggling to get my thought process out in this post. All of the above mentioned things have brightened my mood more than I could have imagined. Coincidentally, they’ve all fallen around my birthday. The perfect metaphorical location for a fairytale ending to a chapter. The beautifully driven and dedicated beginning to a new chapter.
I’ve sorted out my head, had some honest conversations with people I used to be very close to. Ended one chapter. Started a new one. I also reconnected to arguably the closest person I had to me for a few years. Of course I have things I wish i could change, thats impossible now. They’re in the past, I don’t necessarily live with regrets. Frustrations, i think is a better way to put them. That’s what we’ll call them for argument sakes.
I’m not going to ramble on for much longer as it is almost 11:30pm, 3rd June 2015. Half an hour left of being a 21-year-old. Half an hour left of an exciting age, spiralling uncontrollably towards my 30s at 100MPH. I’m excited about this coming year though. I’m on a mission to better my lifestyle, complete my goals and share it with that one special person…I will have all mentioned. Whatever it all takes.
Here is to another year, it’ll be gone before I truly feel like i’ve got started but i’m going to make my plans. Write down my goals. Win back my drive. Gain inspiration and press forward in this lifetime. Time to get back to it. Work hard. Make money. Travel. Release music. Tour. Kiss the love of my life. Learn. Improve. Grow. Enjoy.
Happy birthday to me for tomorrow, I don’t know how I feel about it being my birthday. The day will be over before I know it though…..
Words and Music
For as long as I can remember, English has never been my strong subject. I battled through primary school trying my hardest to be able to read as well as everyone else, to write as neatly as my old sister or be able to understand how words on a piece of paper have revolutionised a culture. Look at the works of William Shakespeare for example.
Some of my youngest memories go back to reading hour in primary school, everyone reaching in their book-bags for something inspiring whilst I normally took the time to have a nap or be a ‘pain-in-the-backside’ for the teacher. I regret this. Yet at the same time I believe finding your own way into a love for literature is more rewarding. Discovering your own interests is far more important than being pushed into something from a young age. Or any age to be honest. That’s my opinion.
Away from the reading side of things, the writing was never my strong suit either. I had extra teaching support and always struggled with grammar, verbs, nouns, sentence structure and so forth. Something I did find interesting from a young age however, was music. Being aware of how a melody without lyrics could create an emotion, how a chord progression and a rhythm could inspire. This could have been subconsciously created by my Dad. I remember every Saturday and Sunday morning he would play his music collection. Everything from Genesis to Bruce Springsteen. My dad likes to think he is open to all music but it seems to be that if there isn’t a guitar in the song, he isn’t interested. He’d definitely hate me for pointing that out.
As my interest in music developed, I developed. I grew up. The interest turned more into a passion. This passion is something I hold today, stronger than ever, the desire to expand my knowledge. As my interest into the world of music expanded, I grew an intellectual interest into literature for the first time in my life. Starting with artists such as Bob Dylan, Neil Young and Bruce Springsteen slowly led into more such as Nirvana, Foo Fighters and Machine Head. All of these being a wide range in regards to musical genre, yet they all had one thing in common, something I picked up on quickly, poetry. Not all lyrics in songs rhyme, neither do poems. Song structures and poetic structures run simultaneously. My music taste grew, my studies into lyrical structure expanded, I grew an interest into poetry.
Whilst all this was going on, I wrote my own music, my own lyrics, my own poems. These artists inspired me, they still do today, the more I learnt the better I wanted to be as a song writer. The more I looked into poetry, the more I realised that a great deal of poems and songs are based upon a story, an experience or a historical event. This eventually pushed my younger, adventurous self towards books. The imaginations of many authors that I envy, the events of history that I find hard to believe, and how they have changed society and cultures as we know them today. The more music I listened to, the more poems I read, the more stories I learnt about, the more history I took onboard. It was a dramatically encouraging roll-on effect.
To me words can change everything, one sentence can inspire a generation. Similar to the effects of one song. Look at Bob Dylan’s ‘Blowing in the Wind’, and how it affected the Civil Rights Movement. How Martin Luther King’s speech opened people’s eyes (in a metaphorical sense, not literally).
I like to think my own music can inspire others. Besides everything, they’re my own views after all, my own emotions and my own experiences being expressed. As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’m not one to talk about my feelings. Having a guitar in my hands and a notepad in front of me helps me express a great deal. Writing music keeps me sane. Yet sometimes it drives me insane when it doesn’t come together smoothly. That frustration will be contained and left unheard of for now.
No matter who you are, where you’re from, where you are now, who you know, or your occupation, don’t become detached from the power of words. The power of music. The evolution of these topics combined together. A story isn’t a story unless it’s told to the masses.
Protected: I Love Somebody, continued…
Religion, Research and Readings
As I sit here, writing yet another post towards this blog I’m taking time to focus and reflect on thoughts I’ve been presented with in the past. I’m currently sitting in a library, the strong smell of paper between book covers, both old and new. A gigantic window to my left hand side. The sun is trying its hardest to fight off the grey clouds and show it’s face. The wind is howling, it’s a strong wind today. The Union Jack flag stands high and mighty in the remembrance garden, it’s tough material face is rapidly blowing. People are walking past, oblivious of the information to be found inside this magnificent building. All these facts, imaginative stories, informative papers, inspiration, I feel like I’m inside Stephen Fry’s mind.
My reason being here is simple, it’s just up the road from my house. There is more to this decision than the obvious. It’s quiet here, even though it’s easily within walking distance from my desk at home, I feel like I transform to another dimension or world when I walk through the automatic doors and enter this paradise. The peacefulness is inspiring, not to mention the knowledge I can find here. The inspiration in here is inspiring this post. This post might hopefully inspire you.
On the way here I had a thought, as many of us do every second of every day. Walking on at a steady pace, the word’s of Bob Dylan in my head as I’d just left my record player, taking in my surroundings and trying to plan out what I wanted to do today. Making the most of life is a challenge, but somebody once told me, “Every day could be your last, make the most of it”. Why sit and home staring at a TV when I could be out expressing my mind, taking onboard more information from a wide range of books? The deeper I get into understanding my own mind and the reason behind this post, the stronger the wind is blowing outside the window. Bob Dylan carries on to serenade me through my headphones.
For many years I’ve had a strong interest in Religion, I passionately believe that a religion is an individuals personal belief and choice, not something for others to challenge or judge. I’ve spent many hours reading books on Christianity, Islam, Hinduism and Buddhism. I’ve had many conversations with people from different religions about their own beliefs. I feel that you can be religious without following a religious script word-for-word. It’s the way of life that makes somebody religious, putting their faith and trust in a higher consciousness, belief in a ‘creator’ or bettering themselves by following guidelines to happiness.
I’m not a one-faith religious person myself, but it interests me, the media try to convince us that Islam is bad, most of these journalists have never even read the Qur’an or had a deep inspiring conversation with a Muslim. No religion is “bad”, there is good and bad in all aspects of our society. One persons actions shouldn’t form a preconception or judgment of everyone else.
Try not to be so shallow minded to stereotype a religion or a race under misguided opinions! The thought of people doing this angers me to my core.
Following my religious interests, Buddhism has always stood out to me. The beliefs relate to what I was once told (as mentioned above), how to better yourself, and become enlightened to fulfill life to the highest standard. This is something that I’m going to dedicate the next few weeks of my spare time into researching.
I currently have two books sitting next to me in this library, “Widening The Circle of Love” (Dalai Lama and Jeffrey Hopkins) and “The Many Ways to Nirvana” (Dalai Lama and Renuka Singh). I’m going to study these, understand the teachings of the Buddha and values I could change in myself or learn for a wider spiritual consciousness . Who knows? In a few months I could be a converted “Western-Buddhist”. I say “western” in the sense that old Buddhist values have been adopted and adapted to relate to modern societies.
If I had to put all of my ramblings into one dedicated message, or to sum up where my trail of thought has been heading, It would be hard. “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” comes to mind, however looking deeper into this, It’s the only reason books have covers, so they catches your attention and convince you to read them. “Don’t stereotype a culture based on one or a few peoples actions” could be another way to look at things. Either way, it’s hard to narrow down. I could ramble on for days but nobody has days to read a blog post. I encourage all of you out there to look into religious beliefs and faiths and some point in your life. You don’t need to be religious, or to follow a religion, everybody takes something different from them. Maybe it could inspire you to better your life without having to become an outright Christian, Muslim or Hindu. Now for me to get on with reading my Buddhism teachings.. it’s been a pleasure as always..
Maybe it’s time to change..
Maybe it’s time to change, for as long as I can remember, I’ve held everything in, put on a smile and got on with it. Now I’m going insane, and starting to crack from the inside out.
In the past year I’ve been through a rollercoaster. I finished a degree, and moved back home after 3 years building up a new life somewhere else. I’ve dealt with dramatic family changes and then relationship issues. No matter how things change, I’ve always been the person to hold it together, keep it to myself and just “try” to deal with it. Lately I’m finding that hard. Really hard.
Even if I want to sit down with someone I trust and talk to them, I can’t put myself to do it, the change from never letting emotions show to talking about them is too much. How bizarre the world can be right? Besides all of this, I’ve been trying to find the core problem to my struggles, why all of a sudden do I feel like I’m slacking? Maybe if I find the root of the issue, I can fix it and resolve things to a healthy level. A healthy level of mild insanity anyways.
After reflections into my deep inner being, it became evident that I’m battling with emotions I haven’t had to deal with before. Changes I’ve never come close to experiencing in the past. If there was only one thing I could ask for, one wish I could have come true, it’d be to go back in time 12 months and better my actions. I’d make different choices and I like to think those choices would have put me in a better frame of mind than I am right now.
Rounding things up, it might be time for change. Perhaps I’ve hit an obstacle I can’t beat by writing songs, typing on a blog or just out right, trying to forget. It’s currently 3am, Sunday evening/Monday morning. It’s a bank holiday so it’s acceptable, I hope. Tomorrow I’m going to embark on clearing my mind, be that a long walk or a vent of anger. Staring in a mirror with disappointment or talking to somebody about my thoughts. I’m a strong person, but maybe that’s because I’ve been backed up with some great people around me until lately. Maybe it’s time to change, immediately. Maybe always leads to more insanity…
Protected: I Love Somebody
I’m trying..
Guys, girls, people all over the Internet. I’d like to take this time to apologise that I’m falling behind yet again on this blog “experiment”. On a bright side though, I just discovered the WordPress App, this may hopefully encourage me to write whilst out and about.
Anyways, I’m currently working hard on songwriting, had a dark week in terms of my thought process and I’m currently trying to write stuff to take my mind off that stuff. Plus, IM TRYING TO BUILD A TIME MACHINE! Damn straight, I got this. Reason being I wish I could go back in time and try again to change stuff I lost. I’m going to write a personal post very soon, I promise!
As I said, I’m trying to write more but I’m distracting myself with pointless other activities, I’ll be back in the swing of things soon, I need to keep my followers excited (thank you to the people who follow my blog, it helps a lot).
Take care people 🙂
Nothing is impossible…
Today I read an interesting quote online, it read “Nothing is impossible, the word itself says ‘i’m possible'” (Audrey Hepburn). After reading this I contemplated for a bit and tried to relate this to every day life. I understand the inspiration behind the idea, but sometimes forced inspiration isn’t the purest of its kind.
Other quote similar comes to mind, such as, “Nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it”, a classic I was told all the way through my childhood. The world is full of good and bad, yet what makes good good? what makes bad bad? These are all just opinionated outcomes. For example, think about this, you’re walking down the street and somebody you have never met, but possibly seen before, spits at you! THATS BAD IN MY OPINION and is probably bad by your standards also.
On the other hand, fan girls are at a Justin Bieber concert, he spits into the crowd, they love it and think it’s great to have a part of Justin’s saliva dripping off their chin. See, opinions are different.
Going back to the quote, there are great people out there in this great wide world, people who spend their entire lives inspiring others, dedicating their lives to better the outcomes of others. These people inspire me, the likes of Nelson Mandela and Che Guevara are people i’ve studied for a long time and fascinate me as individuals. Not necessarily a random quote, yet their day-to-day actions for the world. But seriously, I understand these quotes are supposed to be inspirational but some things are IMPOSSIBLE! (sorry to break it to all you dreamers out there, big up!)
I’m 5’10” tall and of white British decent, if I want to wake up tomorrow at 8ft tall and alien green in colour, thats impossible, no matter how hard I try, some things you’re just unable to overcome! Don’t go hunting out inspiration in a quote, get out there and see the world.
Ryan Anthony 